I have been trying to make my way through my university work for weeks now, it's not particularly hard work, just very tedious, but this is even worse than if the work was difficult, at least I would be taxing my mind and receiving some sort of mental stimulation, as opposed to constantly looking through books on a subject I find less than appealing, and merely studying because it comes along with my degree.
Recently I have felt drained, partly because I keep getting all of the bugs going around campus, but also because I'm not doing what I enjoy, making things. It really begs the question, "why am I here ?"
Now don't get me wrong, I'm really happy at university, I'm glad I moved out and met new people, but sometimes I just feel that I came here to do more than simply "get the work done" and then rest, I imagined an environment where I would be constantly invigorated by my work and I would be learning new and exciting things which would aid me in my exploits as a hobbyist developer, maybe I expected too much?
Currently I'm rethinking the way I live my life, I feel a greater need to follow less and to lead more, I don't just want to be a sheep, doing what someone else tells me, this applies to my education and my social life.
I no longer want to go somewhere just because my friends decide to go there, and then have a crappy time because it isn't really my thing, I want to explore what life has to offer, not just continue the same monotony of going to that same old expensive club every Friday.
I no longer want to do work so tediously unimaginative that I spend my leisure time indoors, doing nothing but using Facebook, just to escape the tedium.
So what is the remedy? I guess firstly I should stop complaining, get off my arse, and start doing something!
Secondly , I'm going to cram, I have no love for this work, and I want it out of my life for good, I'm going to spend my weekends getting rid of the detritus which is my computer networks assessment, An endeavour I find pointless, but what the university deems essential(90% of my mark in the module)
Thirdly, I must rediscover my zest for life, I need to find some way of expressing my extra-curricular interests, anything has got to be better than the constant grind and the restless nights I'm currently having.
Finally, I need to take my social life by the horns and do what I want to do, I need to find people who interest me, and not expect the people to find me, why would they? when I spend my days at my computer, or going to loud clubs with friends, where no one talks to anyone.
In conclusion, I've got stuff I need to sort out, and writing this blog was the first step on a new path I'm taking.
Thank you for reading.
Mike.
